So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
