just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This baby is an asshole
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
