Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
