It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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