its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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