When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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