i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
