Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
