; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
