we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize