Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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