It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
