it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
