Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
