I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
