What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
