you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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