They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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