my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everything about him screamed your future.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
