my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
