I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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