Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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