too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
