Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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