Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
