a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just google imaged poop.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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