I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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