I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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