summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
