I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize