Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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