Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
