dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
