Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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