My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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