Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
