There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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