I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
