He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
