I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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