just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
