A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
