New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
