He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
