he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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