Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
