yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
