I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can I color on your dick again?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
