The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
