I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
