I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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