Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
