Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize