what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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