I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
