I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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