Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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