He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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