She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
