im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
