When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
