Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
