I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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