so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
