She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
