She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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