As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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