I want to make a zoo with you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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