Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
